


Something Oddly Familiar

by stormpix



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Number Five | The Boy-centric, School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28516191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormpix/pseuds/stormpix
Summary: Five's siblings decide that Five needs more social interaction (not to mention reacclimating to the society and technology of 2019), and send him to school. At least he's allowed to take advanced math. And that kid from math class doesn't seem entirely imbecilic.People have avoided Alex ever since he moved from England, but he's fine with being a loner. Not like anyone could relate to him, right? Then a new kid shows up in his math class, and there's something about him that Alex can't quite put his finger on, something oddly... familiar.Two ex-assassins meet in a schoolyard and become friends.(The TUA/Alex Rider crossover no one asked for.)
Comments: 69
Kudos: 368





	1. New Kids

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo... I binged The Umbrella Academy over the holidays, and I just fell in love with the show, especially Five. Then everything changed when the plot bunny attacked... wait, wrong fandom, but the point is I thought "What if Five and Alex met?" and this fic was born. There is only the barest semblance of a plot in my mind, but hey, I wrote almost 6000 words, why not post? No update schedule, but I hope you have fun reading anyway.
> 
> Set post-series for AR (so Alex is living in the U.S. with the Pleasures) and post-S2 for TUA (no Sparrows, Ben is still here because I love his character.)

_ Alex _

He walked into his math classroom and immediately noticed three things.

First, there was a new kid. Dark hair, wiry frame, around thirteen or fourteen years old — which was odd, because this was a high school calculus class, not whatever pre-algebra class middle schoolers were usually in.

Second, the kid was sitting in the seat in the back corner of the classroom farthest from the window — Alex’s usual seat. ( _ The most defensible position _ , his mind supplied.  _ Shut up _ , Alex told it.)

Third — the kid was looking directly back at him with an unnervingly intense gaze. 

Alex’s shoulders tensed involuntarily, and he took a moment to consciously relax his body. He was just being irrationally paranoid again, wasn’t he? After all, this was just a kid. A weird kid, maybe, but just a kid. Not an assassin, or a spy, or a terrorist.

(Probably. Right?)

Outwardly calm, Alex made his way toward his usual seat. He thought about trying to reclaim it, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth it and dropped into the next desk over. The kid watched him the whole way, and once Alex had slipped his backpack off his shoulders, he met the kid’s pale eyes and gave a small nod of greeting. That seemed to satisfy the boy, who nodded back and then returned his attention to the notebook he was writing in. They sat in silence until the bell rang and the rest of the students entered in a chattering stream.

The teacher cleared her throat before they began.

“Class, we have a new student,” she said in her usual perky tone. Alex could never understand how someone could be perky about math at eight in the morning, but Ms. Alder always was. “Fievel Hargrove, would you give a wave?”

The class rippled, heads turning to stare at the kid next to Alex, who jerkily raised his hand. His eyes were narrowed, lips pressed together, other hand clenched in a first, shoulders tense — Alex processed all this almost unconsciously and came up with a question mark. Nervous, he could understand, but why was “Fievel”  _ angry _ ?

Never mind. Ms. Alder was talking again.

“I know Fievel’s a little younger than most of you —” A couple of snorts and coughs. “— but he’s perfectly qualified to be here, so let’s all be welcoming, all right?” Ms. Alder smiled brightly, waited for a few bored nods from the students, then picked up a whiteboard marker. “Great! Now, let’s pick up where we left off yesterday with integration…”

When the bell rang at the end of class, no one approached the corner. The corner, after all, was where Alex usually sat, and Alex was the loner no one ever talked to, the guy whose haunted eyes kept everyone except Sabina Pleasure away even now, months after he transferred in. Alex didn’t really mind — he wasn’t sure he was ready to stop grieving either.

Fievel gave him an assessing glance when he stood up, then nodded sharply before leaving. Alex wasn’t sure what test he’d passed, but the next day, and the next, and the next, he and Fievel sat peaceably next to each other in calculus, never exchanging a word, and yet he felt more at ease next to the boy all the same.

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

“How was your first day of school?” asked Vanya when she picked him up at the end of the day.

Five resisted the urge to snap  _ Don’t patronize me _ . (They were all working on not insulting each other and besides, this was Vanya.) “Fine.”

She glanced sideways at him. “That’s it? No complaints about the idiot children? The incompetent teachers?”

“If you know it already, what’s the point of me saying it?” Five snarked back without heat. 

Vanya smiled gently. Several minutes passed in comfortable silence — Vanya driving, Five sipping from the coffee she’d brought him.

“Did you make any friends?” she asked.

Five scoffed. “No.”

This time she sighed. “Five…”

“Why would I want to be friends with prepubescent morons who can’t tell Uranus from Neptune?”

“Because that’s the point of you going to school,” Vanya chided. “Remember? To have social interactions and reacclimate to the modern world, like we discussed as a family?”

Right, and hadn’t  _ that _ been a fun time. In a once-in-a-blue-moon phenomenon, all six of his siblings had agreed to stage an intervention over absolutely nothing. Five personally didn’t see what was wrong with doing theoretical math and quantum physics in his room all day with occasional breaks for coffee and sometimes a walk in the park (he liked being able to see green,  _ living _ scenery, all right?). Besides, it was late April. What was the point of starting in late April, when the school year was almost over? But noooooo, once Diego found out Five had never heard of Facebook, and Vanya realized he couldn’t work a smartphone, and Klaus and Ben saw him ( _ one time! It was just one time, Ben, shut up! _ ) flinching from a stranger’s casual touch, and Luther caught him skipping meals to work equations — well. Middle school it was.

At least they let him take a placement exam for math, so he wouldn’t be stuck with imbeciles learning pre-algebra when he could be stuck with imbeciles learning calculus instead.

The rest of his academic knowledge was patchy. Reginald Hargreeves had given the Umbrella Academy a thorough education, but — as Allison pointed out — that was almost fifty years ago for Five. His knowledge of science and social studies was limited to the basics plus whatever he’d picked up in his time with the Commission.

(“I could tell you the exact mechanics of the Hindenburg explosion,” Five had hissed indignantly. “The exact chemical process to synthesize Agent Orange, the exact price of eggs in Germany after World War One, the exact layout of JFK’s assassination —”

“All of us could tell you that,” Diego snorted.

Allison shushed him. “But could you tell me who the current vice president of the US is?”

Five opened his mouth. Closed it. And that was that.)

“I didn’t meet anyone interesting,” Five said to Vanya, who pursed her lips. But even as he said it, his mind flicked back to the boy from calculus, the one with blond hair, athletic build, and shadowed brown eyes. There was something about him — the way he moved, maybe, or the way he’d looked at Five — that made him seem like he was walking on a different plane of existence than the rest of the students.

Five could relate to that feeling. He did it, literally, all the time.

Anyway, he was potentially interesting. Maybe. Five decided he would tolerate the boy’s presence for now, at least until he could figure out what it was about Alex Rider that seemed so familiar.


	2. Lunchtimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two ex-assassins talk over lunch.

_ Alex _

It was the end of another week of school. Alex loitered by the school entrance, waiting for Sabina to wave goodbye to her friends so they could walk home together like they did every Friday. It was something Sabina had started to ensure that Alex spoke to someone at least once a week.

“Soooooo…” Sabina grinned mischievously as they set off down the sidewalk. “Tell me about your new friend!”

Alex blinked. “Who?”

“The new kid, the one with dark hair?” She gave him a playful swat on the shoulder. “Don’t deny it. I saw you two sitting together at lunch today.”

“Five? We’re not really friends,” Alex said. 

Sabina rolled her eyes. “Riiiiight. Because you sit with so many other people at lunch.”

She had a point. Alex never sat with anyone during lunch. 

“We’re just classmates. Same calculus class.”

Sabina hummed, then paused. “Wait, did you say his name was  _ Five _ ? Like the number?”

“Yeah. It’s a nickname, or something.”

“That’s kinda weird. No offense, Alex.” 

Alex shrugged. “His real name’s Fievel.”

“... Never mind, I don’t blame him. How old is he? He looks tiny.”

Alex shrugged again. “Thirteen-ish. I haven’t asked, but he comes out with the middle schoolers.”

“And he’s in  _ calculus _ ?”

“He’s some sort of math prodigy, I think. Always finishes quizzes in ten minutes and gets full marks.”

“Low-key  _ jealous _ .” They reached the house. Sabina unlocked the door. “You should invite him over.”

“What? No!”

“Why not? He’s new, right? You could show him around, bond over being the new kid. Mom and Dad would love to have him for dinner, I’m sure.”

Alex shook his head. “No, Sab. We’ve never even had a real conversation. We just sit next to each other, that’s all. And he —” Alex broke off.

“He… what?” prompted Sabina.

“I… never mind.” How could Alex explain the prickling of his instincts, that sense in the back of his mind that warned him to be wary, that put him on alert even while his conscious mind appreciated Five’s quiet presence? The kid was a walking contradiction to Alex’s  spy-trained psyche.

“Well, I think you should reach out,” Sabina said. She offered him an encouraging smile. “Start small, talk about math or sports or something. Maybe you have more in common than you think.”

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

( _ earlier _ )

His siblings insisted that he eat lunch with the other students. Fine. 

Five paused at the door to the cafeteria. A wall of sound assaulted his ears, clamoring and chattering, people talking and touching and bumping and pressing. Dozens of teenage bodies, too dense, too close, overwhelmingly  _ alive. _

No way was he going in there.

He turned instead to the door leading to a courtyard with some trees, a couple of benches, and two picnic tables already occupied. This was better. Five wandered outside, breathing in the faint but comforting scent of grass ( _ because if there was grass, then there was no fire _ .) Noticing a familiar blond head leaning against a tree, he hesitated for only a moment before making his way over.

Alex glanced up as he approached. There was a strange feeling in Five’s gut.

(“That’s just nerves,” Vanya said later. “I feel it every time I go to perform. You were just nervous, Five.”

“Ridiculous,” Five scoffed. “I don’t  _ get _ nervous.”

She only smiled sadly and changed the subject.)

“Hi,” Five ventured. “Can I sit here?”

Alex’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Sure.”

Nodding once, Five nestled himself between the tree’s roots. He took a moment to close his eyes and lean his head back on the trunk, relishing the feeling of rough bark digging into his back. He couldn’t help it — after so many years living in an apocalyptic wasteland, he couldn’t get enough of nature.

Alex was staring at him. Five breathed out, opened his eyes, and stared back impassively until the other boy looked away. As he unwrapped his peanut butter-and-marshmallow sandwich — Vanya had relented today and allowed him his tooth-rotting favorite — he frowned a little in thought.

Why did Alex’s gaze remind him of his own? Five had seen more horrors than most people could imagine. He had scraped together survival from the flaming wreckage of the earth, he had assassinated dozens of people and caused war and destruction, he had witnessed a nuclear holocaust and the cold-blooded murder of his family. What could Alex have seen, in his measly sixteen years of life, to have such darkness and grief in his young eyes?

Whatever it was, it made him an outcast, a loner. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t a good kid. Five glanced at Alex, his chest warming with another one of those strange  _ feelings _ .

(“I’m not a therapist,” Vanya sighed, her pointed look saying  _ You should definitely go see one _ , “but I think that feeling is called empathy.”

“Empathy,” Five repeated. Later, in the solitude of his room, the thought made him laugh incredulously. Him, an assassin, a murderer, a  _ monster _ , feeling empathy.)

~.~+~.~

_ Alex _

Alex wanted to take Sabina’s advice. He really did. But he dawdled, worrying that if he started to push, Five would leave.

“And go where?” Sabina asked when he told her. “I’ve never seen him sit anywhere else.”

“Have you been stalking me, Sab?”

“Just looking out for you, Al.”

So Alex took to observing Five instead, just a few quick glances.

Observation #1: The kid had  _ weird _ taste. The peanut butter-and-marshmallow sandwich was just the beginning. Chicken and pickles, all manner of fruits with grilled cheese, and he could have sworn he saw Five put  _ Tabasco sauce _ on a pizza once.

Observation #2: The kid didn’t go on his phone like other middle- and high-schoolers. He would either scribble in a notebook, read a book (always nonfiction, always thick and complicated-looking), or just sit there quietly.

Observation #3: The kid was perceptive, because after observing him over three different lunch periods, Alex glanced over to find Five looking back at him with a smirk. “See something you like, Rider?”

“What?” spluttered Alex.

“You’ve been watching me all week.”

“I wasn’t —” Five gave him an unimpressed look, and Alex relented, “All right, maybe I was. I guess… it’s been three weeks and I still don’t really know anything about you.”

“You know my name.”

“ _ Everyone _ knows your name. Fievel Hargrove the math genius.” Five snorted and shook his head, which made Alex raise an eyebrow. “What, am I not right?”

“Sure,” Five drawled in a way that made Alex absolutely certain he was missing some sort of inside joke.

An awkward silence descended — awkward for Alex, at least, because he could already hear Sabina chiding him in his head, telling him to try and be friendly.

“So… what are you working on, anyway?”

Five side-eyed him. “Why do you care?”

“Just curious,” replied Alex. “You’re always writing in that notebook during calculus.”

Five seemed to deliberate with himself, then sighed and flipped his notebook around so Alex could peer at the messy numbers, symbols, and letters scrawled across the pages. Nothing made sense, and Alex could see the younger boy smirking when he leaned back and said, “What’s all that?”

“None of your business.” Five returned his attention to the notebook.

Oookay then. New topic. “So where are you from, anyway?”

Five sighed again, hand stilling. “Why all the questions?”

“Just trying to get to know the one person who hasn’t avoided me like the plague,” Alex tried to say lightly, and he was rewarded by Five’s lips twitching in amusement.

“I’m from here,” Five replied after a long pause. “Homeschooled,” he added, anticipating Alex’s next question. “Until my siblings thought I needed a  _ social life _ and sent me to this hellhole.”

“It’s not that bad, is it?”

“All my classmates are idiots.”

“... Even me?”

Five looked thoughtful at that. “Jury’s still out.”

Alex huffed a small laugh and leaned back against the tree. A moment passed.

(“Tell him about yourself,” Sabina had said.

Alex shot her an incredulous look. “Seriously, Sab?”

She hit him on the shoulder. “Not  _ that _ part, dummy. Just the basics.”)

“I’m from England,” Alex said. He could feel Five’s attention shift to him. “Moved here at the beginning of this school year.”

Five hummed noncommittally. Alex took that as a sign to keep going, but he wasn’t sure what to say next. “You ever been there?” he tried.

He couldn’t see Five’s face, but his voice was casual. “A few times. London, mostly.”

“I lived in Chelsea.”

“Mm.”

“You follow football? I mean, soccer?”

“... No. Never had time for sports.”

“Strict parents?”

He could practically hear Five scowling. “Understatement.”

“You don’t live with them anymore, though, do you.”

There was a rustle as Five turned to stare at him. “How do you know that?”

Alex ignored the prickle running down his spine. “You said your siblings sent you here.”

Five made a sound of affirmation, and Alex’s instincts eased.

“I’m an only child,” Alex offered.

“Then who’s the girl you walk with on Fridays?” Five asked. Alex startled, looking over in surprise. “Don’t look so surprised, I’m not blind. Not your girlfriend, am I right?”

“Uh… no. Adoptive sister.”

Five smiled at that. “Mine too. All sev —  _ six _ of us are adopted.”

“Wow. Must be crazy at home.”

The bell rang, signalling the end of the lunch period. As they got up, Alex saw Five’s smile soften into something almost fond. “When we all get together, yes. But we’re family, and we’re together. That’s… important.” There was an odd echo to his voice, a shadow of loss, a sense of wistfulness.

Or maybe Alex was just imagining it. He couldn’t hide it from his own voice, though. “Yeah. It is.”


	3. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two ex-assassins deal with Diego, Klaus, and Ben, each in their own way.

_ Five _

The new tradition was family dinner on Friday evenings, established by unanimous vote (well, unanimous minus Five, that is.) The Hargreeves took turns cooking, though after Luther managed to turn rice into a lump of charcoal, Klaus set eggs on fire, Diego blew up a casserole, and Five burned everything except the soup, the Hargreeves women declared that none of the brothers could be in the kitchen without supervision.

This week, thankfully, was Allison’s turn. They sat down in the kitchen (none of them had eaten in the formal dining hall since Reginald’s funeral) to a table full of edible food.

“Soooooooo Five!” Klaus all but sang. “How’s school?”

Five scowled at him. “Fine.”

“I hear it’s  _ more _ than fine,” his brother said, leaning on his hand and blinking at him innocently. “A little bird told me you made a friend!”

Diego choked on his soup. “ _ Five _ made a friend? Mr. I’m-too-good-for-school  _ made a friend? _ ”

“Vanya…” Five growled, and she put her hands up quickly. “I didn’t say anything, I swear, Five!”

“Wait, you knew and didn’t say anything?” said Allison.

Vanya shrugged. “Five only told me yesterday.”

“He’s not my  _ friend _ , we’re just classmates,” Five grumbled. 

“Who sit together at lunch,” sighed Klaus. “How sweet! Young love!”

“Klaus, I will  _ eviscerate you, _ ” Five snarled, then paused. He hadn’t told Vanya that part. “Have you been watching me?” Five asked menacingly, putting on his most threatening death-glare.

Klaus put his hands up in surrender, fingertips glowing blue. Ben shimmered into being in the next chair and scowled. “Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Klaus.”

Five glared at his ghost brother. “Diego?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re my favorite brother now.”

Diego whooped, Klaus put a hand to his chest in mock hurt, and Ben sighed. “I just wanted to check in on you.  _ One time _ , Five, that’s all.”

“What part of  _ I’m fine _ is not comprehensible?” Five retorted.

“The part where you never mention other people, even though we sent you there to get used to other people?” Allison said.

“And the part where you never respond to texts?” Luther spoke up.

“And you don’t pick up the phone half the time,” Vanya chimed in, waving his phone at him. 

Five gave her a look of betrayal and snatched it from her hand. 53 unread texts over the past week, three missed calls. He scowled and shoved it into his pocket. “I forget sometimes, all right? Why are you all texting me so much anyway?”

His siblings exchanged glances.

“Checking in, mostly,” Allison said.

“Or asking if you want to go places,” Diego said. “That explains why he didn’t show up for paintball,” he added to Luther.

Five stared at him incredulously. “Paintball?”

“Yeah, Luther and I went on Tuesday. Great fun, you should try it.”

“Diego cheats,” Luther muttered. 

“Do not.”

“You definitely do. Manipulating projectile weapons is literally your  _ power _ .”

“You’re just mad that your aim isn’t as good as mine.”

“ _ Boys _ ,” Allison sighed, then she offered Five a smile. “Well, friend or not, it’s good that you’re meeting new people.”

“Sure, whatever,” Five muttered.

~.~+~.~

_ Alex _

He was being followed.

By whom or for what reason, he didn’t know. But he was sure of it. He kept his posture and gait relaxed as he casually turned off his usual route to stroll by a building with huge, reflective glass windows. He paused at the crosswalk, looking left and right, checking the reflection as he did so.

Two men. One wore all black, sunlight catching the glint of metal. The other was dressed eclectically in neon pink, leopard print, and a feather boa. Both had long, dark hair and unfamiliar faces.

Alex crossed the street and headed into a park ( _ fewer people, less collateral damage _ ), making for the tall flower bushes. He followed the garden path around them, then slunk into the greenery to lie in wait.

The men’s footsteps approached, and Alex heard their voices.

“Man, Diego, this still feels kinda creepy, you know?”

“I don’t want to take any chances.”

“What chances? The kid is  _ sixteen _ .”

“And our brother is thirteen, so — your point?”

A pause. “Ben says, and I agree, he doesn’t need protecting.”

A third person? Alex cursed mentally — he was sure there were only two. Diego and his companion came to a stop by the bushes.

“Klaus,” Diego sighed, sounding weary. “It’s just — he’s been protecting  _ us _ for so long. I… I want to do this for him.”

A long silence. Alex held his breath. Then he heard the other man, Klaus, chuckle. “You’re sure it’s not because he called you his favorite at dinner last Friday?”

“Shut up, you moron,” Diego scoffed. “And you too, Ben, I don’t need to see you to know you’re laughing.”

So Ben wasn’t here in person, that was good to know.

“Wait,” Klaus said, suddenly serious. “Diego —” His voice dropped, and Alex strained to hear. No dice — they were whispering. That didn’t bode well. Alex cautiously backed away, making his way out of the flower bed and breaking into a run until he reached the other side of the park. He glanced back. No pursuers — that was good.

Once he reached the safety of his room, Alex finally slowed down and allowed himself to think. They sure didn’t  _ look _ like assassins — the first guy, maybe, but the second one? He couldn’t imagine a Scorpia agent putting on a feather boa for any reason other than going undercover at a club. Still, nothing was impossible.

Their conversation was strange, though.  _ Protecting _ someone, from  _ Alex _ ? Maybe they were intelligence agents who knew about his past? But then why would they be talking about protecting their  _ thirteen-year-old brother _ — 

Oh.

No way.

At least Alex knew what he was going to ask Five during lunch tomorrow.

~.~+~.~

“Hey, Five,” Alex said as Five approached their usual lunch spot. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Five quipped, but nodded anyway.

“What are your brothers’ names?”

Five paused, an odd look crossing his face. Suspicion? “What makes you think I have more than one?”

“Oh, uh…” Alex hesitated. “You have five siblings, so I just assumed you’d have multiple brothers?”

Five eyed him for a moment longer before cautiously relenting. “Luther, Diego, and Klaus.”

So it was them! Alex’s thoughts must have shown on his face, because Five sighed and asked, “What did they do now?”

“Was it that obvious?” Alex chuckled sheepishly. “Er, I think they were following me yesterday. They were worried for you and were, I dunno, making sure I wasn’t dangerous or something.”

Five rolled his eyes. “I don’t need protecting. They know that.”

“Yeah, that’s what Ben said,” Alex replied. Five whipped around to stare at him, and Alex suddenly realized that Five’s third brother was named Luther, not… “Wait, who’s Ben?”

“You didn’t  _ see _ him, did you?” Five demanded.

Now that was a weird question. “Ben? No, Klaus was relaying what Ben said to Diego.” Alex tilted his head. “I thought Ben was on the phone or something.”

“Or something,” Five allowed.

“... Is he Klaus’s boyfriend?”

Five spat out a mouthful of juice and covered his mouth. Alex raised an eyebrow. “Was it something I said?”

Five tried to talk, but instead uncontrolled laughter bubbled up and spilled over his hand. He just shook his head, shoulders shaking while Alex watched, bemused. Based on the way Klaus dressed, he didn’t think it was  _ that _ implausible, was it? 

Once Five finally calmed down, he turned back to Alex. Alex thought he was going to address the Ben-and-Klaus thing, but instead the boy asked, “Want to get back at them?”

Alex blinked. “Like… prank them?”

Five grinned, mischief glinting in his eyes. “What do you think about paintball?”


	4. Paintballs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two ex-assassins play a prank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has come to my attention that many readers click on this work not knowing one or the other of the two fandoms involved. Many thanks to those who expressed their enjoyment of the work nonetheless! Quick rundown:
> 
> For people who don't know The Umbrella Academy: all you need to know for now is that Five is a 58-year-old ex-assassin with the ability to teleport ("blinking") and time-travel who got stuck in his 13-year-old body (long story). Everything else, you can either Google or wait to learn along with Alex :)
> 
> For people who don't know Alex Rider: the book series of the same name centers around fourteen-year-old Alex, who was unknowingly trained from birth to be a spy and blackmailed into working for MI6. During his unwilling service, he underwent assassin training with a terrorist organization called Scorpia (also a long story...), hence the "ex-assassin" moniker. This story is set about a year after the series' end, so he is now around 16 years old and living in the United States after escaping MI6's clutches.
> 
> Again, a million thanks to everyone who has left kudos, bookmarked, and/or commented!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own either TUA or AR. I also have never played paintball.

_Five_

“You didn’t have to drive me, Vanya,” Five said when she showed up at the end of school. “I could have blinked over.”

“Didn’t you say Alex was coming? I thought I’d offer him a ride.”

Five sighed. “I said we were going to prank Diego. _Obviously_ he’s going separately, otherwise Diego would know right away.”

Vanya smiled, and Five realized that he had admitted that he was going to play a prank. Like a _child_. Which he certainly was not. He pointed a finger at her. “Not a word.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she said innocently.

Diego and Luther were waiting outside the paintball place. Five reluctantly allowed Vanya to give him a one-armed hug before clambering out to join his brothers.

“Told you he wouldn’t skip,” Luther said to Diego.

Five sniffed. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

While Luther and Diego paid, Five pulled his phone out and sent Alex a text. _You here yet?_ Alex replied with a thumbs up. _Inside and ready._ Five smirked and pocketed the phone, accepting the safety vest and gun from Luther. 

This would be fun.

~.~+~.~

_Alex_

When the buzzer sounded, Alex immediately headed for high ground. He was just peeking over a partition when Five sidled up to him with a feral grin on his lips. “Ready?”

“Born ready,” Alex replied. _Almost literally_. 

“Okay. You know what Diego looks like. Last I saw, he was in that corner —” Five pointed. “— trying to snipe Luther. He’s the big guy.”

 _Big guy_ was an understatement. Luther looked like Andre the Giant.

“Let’s get him,” Alex said, and darted toward the corner with cat-quiet steps. He couldn’t hear Five, but when he glanced back Five was there, eyes gleaming. The boy tilted his head, gave a nod, and disappeared down a side passage. Alex raised his paintball gun, hurrying up another ramp and peeking over the wall.

Perfect. With barely a thought, Alex aimed and fired. Diego’s indignant shout was music to his ears.

~.~+~.~

_Diego_

Diego prowled through the passageways, staying low and under cover. Knowing Five, the little murder gremlin would be perched up high somewhere to snipe at them. His ears pricked at the sound of Luther’s heavy steps, and he straightened just enough to raise his gun — 

_Splat!_ Diego cursed and ducked back down, reaching to feel between his shoulder blades. His fingers came away violet. Wait, was that Five’s color? No, Five chose blue. Somebody else’s lucky shot, then.

“Hello!” came Five’s cheery voice from the other side of the wall Diego was pressed against, followed by the sound of a gun discharging and the distinctive hum of Five’s teleportation.

“You’re _cheating_ , Five!” Luther complained.

“Really?” Five called from somewhere. Diego crept toward his brothers’ voices. “I didn’t hear anything about it in the rules!”

At that, Diego couldn’t help but laugh and add, “That’s what I said!”

“You’re cheating too, and you know it!” Luther retorted.

“Am I?” Diego said innocently. He fired, curving the paintball around the partition to where he was pretty sure Luther was standing, and was rewarded with Luther’s exasperated, “ _Diego!_ ”

Diego grinned, but then — _SPLAT!_ A round smashed into the back of his shoulder. _Why, that little —_ “ _FIVE!_ ” Diego roared, because who else would it be?

“That wasn’t me,” Five said, popping out from behind a wall with his gun already raised. _BANG!_ Blue stained Diego’s chest. “That was me, though.”

Diego growled and raised his gun. Five blinked, but Diego was ready. He slowed the paintball just until he saw the air start to ripple and curved it at the last second, clipping Five on his arm. Five bared his teeth. “You’ve been practicing, Diego!” 

“I try,” Diego said, pleased. He fired, but this time Five teleported right up to his face. “Whoa!”

“Luther’s behind you,” Five hissed, then blinked away. 

“Thanks,” Diego said to the air, firing again. The paintball curved up and around him, and Luther howled. “Stop _cheating_ , Diego!”

Diego cackled and ran for it, flinching when more purple paint suddenly exploded on his leg. Dammit, who the _hell_ kept sniping him!?

~.~+~.~

_Alex_

Alex couldn’t help but snigger at Diego’s obvious bewilderment. Even with only minutes left in the game, the man was literally half-covered in purple paint. Five, true to his word, distracted his brother every time Diego got close, giving Alex time to sneak away.

There was a certain rush of exhilaration to holding and firing a gun again. Alex tried not to think about it, telling himself that he was enjoying the thrill of the game and not the feeling of a trigger under his fingers. Scorpia was a thing of the past, and that was where it belonged. No point in allowing it to seep into the present.

He glimpsed an opening and barely sighted down the barrel of the gun before shooting. Judging by Diego’s enraged howl, he’d aimed well. _Without_ _even trying_. Alex sighed as the buzzer sounded. 

“Forget it,” he told himself.

There was an odd whoosh-hum sound, so faint Alex thought he’d imagined it, and then Five spoke from behind him. “Good game, Alex?”

Alex took a deep breath and smiled, turning around. “Yeah. Lots of fun. Did you see Diego?”

“I think he’s planning your murder,” Five said wryly. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

They made their way to the entrance, where Diego was gesturing wildly to an amused Luther.

“Hey, Diego!” Five called.

Diego whipped around. “There you are. Can you believe this —” He broke off, eyes narrowing. “Wait — you!”

“Alex, these are my brothers, Luther and Diego,” Five said. Alex thought he detected a hint of gleeful mischief in his tone. “Luther, Diego, this is Alex, from school.”

Alex waved. “Hi.”

Diego spluttered. Luther rolled his eyes and smiled at him. “Nice to meet you, Alex.”

Five prowled around Diego. “You know, Alex told me a funny story yesterday. Something about two idiots following him into the park.”

At that, Luther turned to Diego with a frown. “You did _what_?”

“We were just looking out for Five!” Diego protested.

Five nodded in mock thoughtfulness. “Yes, to see if their _dear little brother_ would be in danger from the big bad _teenager_ , isn’t that right?”

Luther snorted at that. Diego rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath. Five clicked his tongue. “So, Diego?”

“I… may have overreacted,” Diego grudgingly admitted.

“No threat?”

“No threat, alright?” Diego huffed. 

Five hummed. “I wouldn’t be too sure.”

Diego stopped. “What?”

Alex knew a cue when he saw it. He cleared his throat. “You know, I was _going_ to pick blue for paintball today, but Five grabbed it first…” He saw the exact moment realization dawned over Diego’s face and continued nonchalantly, “So I had to play as purple.”

“Why you — ! You two planned this!” Alex couldn’t help but laugh at Diego’s indignant expression.

“He got you good,” Luther commented.

Five chortled. “Understatement!”


	5. Athletics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One ex-assassin grows suspicious of the other.

_ Five _

The first time Five went to Phys Ed, he almost walked right back out, consequences be damned. 

He wondered if it was too late to time travel back and assassinate whomever had come up with the idea of locker rooms. In what universe was it a good idea to have a horde of hormonal teenage boys undress together in a small space before any of them had learned to use deodorant? The stench was practically tangible, and the ridiculous muscle posturing by the larger boys equally insufferable. Five lingered outside until most people had cleared out before reluctantly venturing inside.

That wasn’t the worst of it, though. Five refused to articulate his fear out loud, but he knew it was there: the fear that the adrenaline brought on by competition would trigger a… lapse… into old habits. Old instincts.

He couldn’t afford for that to happen.

So he played the nervous weakling. Plucked at his gym shirt, kept his head down and hunched his shoulders. When they ran, he lagged at the back; when they played capture the flag, he got himself tagged immediately and sat in the “jail” for the whole game; when they split into teams for soccer and kickball and softball, he fumbled the ball on purpose and promptly was relegated to the sidelines as a substitute, which was just fine by him. He’d never cared for sports anyway, far more interested in math and science.

And then the gym teacher announced one rainy day that they would be playing dodgeball. Most of the class cheered. Five thought nothing of it until the first balls started flying across the gym.

All thoughts of getting out so he could sit on the sidelines disappeared under the instinctual rush of  _ incoming incoming DODGE! _

He twisted out of the way without thinking, but barely a moment later, another dodgeball hurtled toward him. He dodged again, coming back to himself long enough to recognize that  _ oh, the big guys are trying to get rid of the little guys first _ and  _ wait, I count as a little guy _ — 

Dodge.

Twist.

Sidestep — grab ( _ desperate, any weapon _ ) —  _ throw _ — 

Five nailed his attacker smack in the middle of his forehead. The boy staggered and howled, “FOUL! Coach, that twerp head-shotted me!”

“HARGROVE!” The roar jolted Five out of his adrenaline ( _ survival _ ) haze. The gym teacher was gesturing from the sideline. “You’re out, Fievel! C’mon, move it!” Five shook his head hard and made his way to the bleachers, reprimanding himself for losing control.

If they had been playing with anything other than soft foam gym balls, the kid could have gotten a concussion, or worse.

He hoped they would only be playing one game, but no such luck. As the class set themselves up for another round, Five steeled himself.  _ Do not move. Do not react. Just let yourself get hit once, that’s all.  _

But forty-five years of experience dodging debris, bullets, hail, and various other lethal projectiles don’t just disappear on command, not when that hard-earned experience had saved his life multiple times. Five’s body was already moving before his brain registered the ball coming. His hand scrabbled on the ground, latching onto a weapon — 

No. Weapons aren’t made of foam. Five started and dropped the ball, then instinctively ducked under another. 

Shouts came from the opposing side. “You guys aim for them, we’ll get these midgets!” The boy pointed directly at Five.

Five glanced around. His side had been reduced to a few decently athletic players, a scrawny stick-limbed geek with glasses, and himself.  _ Shit. _

He could see two ways out of this. Option 1: allow himself to get hit. Option 2: headshot another kid.

A ball whistled toward him, and Five dodged. Option 1 didn’t appear to be a real option. Five took a deep breath and eyed the opposing side. Another headshot wouldn’t hurt, would it? He could hit the guy who’d call him a midget  _ and _ get himself out at the same time. Two birds, one dodgeball.

The geek screamed from somewhere nearby. Opposing players laughed and jeered, but Five suddenly became aware that his… teammates… were chanting something.

“ _ KEN-NY! FIE-VEL! KEN-NY! FIE-VEL! _ ”

That, more than anything, shocked Five back into himself. He realized that only he and the geek were left, and that the opposing team had gotten ahold of almost all the dodgeballs.

Two new options. Option 1: Dodge until the class period ended. Option 2: Snipe all those  _ smirks _ off the other players’ faces. Five considered the kids’ faces, which… come to think… looked a lot like Diego’s back when they were sparring together as children. Reginald had always made Five fight with his powers handicapped. A strange feeling, half nostalgia and half a competitiveness he hadn’t felt for decades, stole over him. 

He could work with this.

_ It’s just sparring, it’s just sparring, it’s just sparring, just like with Diego _ , he repeated to himself as the balls started to fly. He ducked, weaved, twisted, sidestepped, jumped. Then he grabbed for a dodgeball.  _ Control yourself, Number Five! _

(Just like Reginald used to say, every time Five blinked on instinct.)

He was dimly aware of Kenny the Geek getting hit — the players on the sidelines groaned — and the barrage of balls slowing down. There were only so many dodgeballs, and most of them were now on Five’s side. He surveyed the multicolored spheres dotting the floor, then the eight or so opposing players remaining, and hefted the ball in his hand.

A feral grin split his lips. Option 2 it was.

With a lightning-quick snap of his arm, he hurled the ball. As he’d expected, the idiot raised his own ball in defense, but Five had aimed for his leg. The boy dropped his ball and sulkily shuffled off.

The other players were looking wary now. Five casually plucked up another ball and, looking another guy straight in the eye, chucked it at his unsuspecting friend on the left. Another down. Without slowing down, he scooped up two more dodgeballs and launched them, one after the other, not even pausing to aim. Both landed, of course.

A player shouted, and they started flinging balls back. Five dodged them almost lazily, relishing the feeling of control. He didn’t need to shoot to kill in a sparring match. Nor did he need his powers to snipe another three players in quick succession. The last guy looked at the empty court around him, stunned.

Five smirked. “Game over.”

~.~+~.~

_ Alex _

There were whispers in the halls of the high school. Someone had heard it from their friend, who heard it from their little sister, or from their little sister’s friend who’d overheard it from the teachers or,  _ even cooler _ , had been there to witness it.

Sabina found him by his locker in between classes. “Did you hear — ?”

“That Five’s a ninja?” Alex finished wryly. “Or that he’s a karate master?”

“Ah…” Sabina paused, then smiled. “I didn’t think you gossiped with people, Alex!”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t. People just talk loudly.”

“Hmm… well, I’ve heard some others,” Sabina said, leaning against his locker, ticking the list off on her fingers as she talked. “Acrobat, sniper, Hawkeye Jr…” Alex chuckled, but stopped at Sabina’s hesitant look. She raised another finger. “Spy.”

Alex’s blood ran cold. “Really?” he said, trying to sound casual.

She bit her lip. “Oh, Alex… they’re just rumors. Jokes. He’s only thirteen.”

“I was fourteen,” Alex said quietly.

She laid a hand on his arm, looking at him sadly. He allowed it for a moment before shrugging her off. “I have class.”

“Have fun,” she called as he strode away.

_ Spy _ . The word rattled around in his head.

_ Five is not a spy _ , Alex told himself sternly. 

But what if he was? An American version of Alex, raised from birth to be a secret agent for the United States government? Or worse?

_ It’s impossible _ , Alex chided himself.

_ Only improbable _ , his traitorous brain whispered in reply.

“Hey,” Five said, and Alex almost jumped out of his skin. Oh, shit. He hadn’t realized his next class was calculus, nor that his feet had taken him to the classroom on autopilot.

Five peered at him. “Are you… alright, Alex?” 

Alex couldn’t help but think that the question sounded forced. Like Five hadn’t had practice saying such a normal, casual phrase.  _ You’re just being paranoid _ , he told himself. He smiled and hoped it didn’t look as fake as it felt. It was all he could manage. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

The walk to his desk felt like an eternity, but it gave him time to get himself under control. (If Five was a spy, he didn’t want to tip him off.  _ If. _ ) Alex slid into his seat and set his bag on the ground before turning to his maybe-friend. “So, I heard a rumor…” Five flinched, then waved away Alex’s confusion. Weird. “... that you single-handedly won a dodgeball game?”

Five hummed in affirmation.

“It’s true, then?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“... Cool.” More students started entering, and they lapsed into their usual silence. Alex’s mind wouldn’t stop churning.

After all, Alex himself could probably single-handedly win a dodgeball game. He almost had, earlier in the year, but he had instead forced himself to stop dodging and throwing with such precision. He knew full well which two types of training had given him those skills.

_ Spy. Assassin. Spy. Assassin. Spy. Assassin… _

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

Something was up with Alex, and it had to do with dodgeball. Five thought about bringing it up during lunch, but loathe as he was to admit it, he had no idea how to start the conversation. It seemed Alex didn’t, either, and instead they spent the lunch period in a slightly awkward, slightly tense silence, Five flicking through pages in a physics book without really reading, feeling Alex’s eyes on him. The one time Five looked up and met his gaze, there was suspicion written across the other boy’s face before he quickly looked away.

“What’s so  _ suspicious _ about being good at dodgeball?” Five wondered aloud when he blinked into Vanya’s living room.

“Dodgeball?” Klaus said, and Five blinked into the corner, startled. “Oops, sorry Fivey!”

“Don’t call me that,” Five growled. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Mooching,” said Vanya, walking in with a plate of cookies.

Klaus placed a hand on his heart. “Just visiting my siblings! What, is that not allowed?”

Five ignored him and plucked a cookie off the plate. “I thought you were teaching today,” he said to Vanya.

Vanya shrugged. “Rosalie has a fever. What’s suspicious about dodgeball?”

“Me, apparently,” Five grumbled.

“Wait, wait, don’t tell me!” Klaus grinned, hanging over the edge of the sofa. “Dear little Five used his assassin skills and  _ creamed _ the opposition.”

Five rolled his eyes. “Crude, but accurate. And now, for some reason, Alex keeps looking at me like I’m about to murder him.”

“Well, are you going to?”

“Klaus!” Vanya chided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank yous to everyone who has left kudos, commented, and/or bookmarked. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!


	6. Investigations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One ex-assassin searches for the truth about the other.

_ Alex _

He tried to resist the urge to investigate Five. Really, he did. Snooping around had only ever gotten him into trouble before.

But he couldn’t just let it go. The chance that Five could be — hell, he didn’t even want to articulate it in his mind — was miniscule, but Alex didn’t want to take  _ any _ chances. 

“Googling someone isn’t weird,” he told himself as he opened up his web browser. “Especially if you’re only just getting to know them.”

But to his surprise, there was nothing. Absolutely  _ nothing _ . How was that even possible in the Internet Age? There wasn’t even a Facebook for  _ Fievel Hargrove _ . On impulse, he also searched for  _ Klaus Hargrove, Diego Hargrove,  _ and  _ Luther Hargrove _ . Nada. There was a Luther  _ Hargreeves _ , but that was it. 

Then it occurred to him that Five might go by his nickname on social media, and he typed  _ Five Hargrove _ into the search bar. Bingo. Only it wasn’t  _ Hargrove _ , but…  _ Hargreeves _ . Again. Alex frowned and searched for  _ Diego Hargreeves _ . Nothing. There wasn’t anything except hometown on Five’s profile page, either — no posts, no likes, not even a profile picture.

There was definitely something sketchy going on with Five’s family.

Returning to Google, Alex searched for  _ Five Hargreeves _ . His eyes widened at the array of articles and news stories that popped up in response to the surname. Clicking the first one, he began to read.

Sketchy didn’t even begin to cover it.  _ Insane _ might be more accurate. Six  _ superpowered _ , crime-fighting siblings? And Luther, Diego, and Klaus were three of them? Even weirder, so was “Ben,” except apparently “Ben” was dead and had been since 2006, so how could he have been laughing at Diego in the park? (Unless one of the brothers could talk to the dead — which, come to think of it, didn’t sound that far-fetched, considering that Klaus had been dubbed “The Seance.”) At least Alex learned the names of the two sisters, Allison and Vanya. Assuming that Ben was actually dead, the articles matched up with what Five had said about his family: three brothers, two sisters, all adopted.

What made it strange (well, even stranger) was the fact that Five didn’t show up in any of the news reports about “The Umbrella Academy,” though there was a brief mention in a speculative article of a sixth, unnamed boy who’d disappeared from Academy appearances in late 2002. That made  _ no sense _ . All of the Umbrella Academy members were close in age, so clearly this missing boy wasn’t Five. And yet there was no mention of any former member of the Academy adopting a child — the only child in the family, Claire, was Allison's daughter biologically.

Not that there were very many recent mentions of the Academy at all. It seemed the Umbrella Academy had gone out of business sometime in the past two decades. The last official Academy appearance was dated 2009, and the members had scattered to live their lives: Vanya playing professional violin, Allison going into showbiz, Luther researching with NASA, Diego becoming a private investigator and working with Klaus as police consultants.

And nowhere, not once, was there mention of a “Fievel Hargreeves.”

He thought about confronting the boy about it on Monday, but his paranoia suddenly flared when Five gave him a curious look in calculus. When the bell rang for lunch, Alex stammered out something about going to the school library and made a hasty escape.

There was no evidence, after all, that Five didn’t have ulterior motives. Alex still knew nothing about his past, and until he did, he would remain vigilant. 

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

“Is he still acting weird, Five?”

Five switched his phone to his other hand so he could open his locker. “If anything, he’s gotten  _ more _ squirrelly.”

“Maybe you should ask him what’s wrong.”

Five grinned, shark-like. “But I enjoy making him squirm, Vanya.”

“ _ Five _ . He’s your friend. Friends trust each other.”

Five sneered. “And  _ you’d  _ know so much about that —” He cut himself off at Vanya’s sharp intake of breath, realizing what he’d done. “Shit, Vanya, I — I didn’t mean that.”

Silence. Five wondered if she’d hung up, but then she said, quietly, “I know you didn’t. But would you at least try to be nice, Five? For me?”

For Vanya, Five would do nearly anything.

~.~+~.~

_ Alex _

Five was trying to talk to him.

Five was trying to  _ talk _ to him.

Alex was starting to think his paranoia was justified, because Fievel Hargrove (Hargreeves, whatever) did not like to  _ talk _ . Alex was the one who started all their conversations, but now all of a sudden Five seemed to pop up everywhere looking for a chat.

The timing was too perfect for comfort.

Maybe Alex’s paranoia was showing. Sabina commented on it when they walked home that Friday. Maybe Five was just concerned and reaching out for once.

But Sabina knew Alex better than anyone else — they lived together, after all. Alex was very good at hiding his emotions and controlling his expressions. A kid he’d known for a month shouldn’t be able to see through his masks.

_ Unless they’ve had training _ , whispered his traitorous mind. _Unless they have experience._

Alex was finding it harder and harder to dismiss it.

Then one day Alex arrived home to see Five sitting at the kitchen table.

Every muscle in his body tensed. Was this it? But Five only shot him a bemused look and took a sip from the mug in his hands. “Well, don’t just stand there. Come sit.”

Alex didn’t move. “How and why are you in my house?”

“Because I invited him,” Sabina answered, appearing in the doorway. She put her hands on her hips. “You two have been dancing around each other all week and it’s getting ridiculous.”

“ _ Dancing _ ?” Five looked offended.

“Sabina,” Alex hissed, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the neighboring room. “What were you  _ thinking _ ?”

“You looked like you needed an intervention,” she replied. She sighed. “You’re acting the way you did when you moved from London. You’re worrying me, Alex.”

“Sabina, he could be like me,” Alex said lowly, eyes flicking around to make sure Five wasn’t anywhere near. “You heard about what he did in phys ed.”

“Being good at dodgeball doesn’t make someone a spy, Alex.”

Alex shook his head. “There’s something about him that’s put me on edge from day one. He’s hiding something.”

To his surprise, Sabina’s face brightened. “Oh, I know. That’s why he’s here!” At Alex’s dumbfounded look, she giggled. “He approached  _ me _ during school, Alex. He wanted me to pass on a message, said he had something important to tell you but you were avoiding him. I figured you’d be more comfortable on familiar ground, so I invited him here.” She leaned in and added in a whisper, “Don’t think I don’t know about the knives you have stashed around the house.”

When Alex didn’t reply, still too shocked, she tsk-ed and pulled him back to the kitchen. “Now sit and talk. I’ll be doing homework in the living room if you need me.”

Five watched her leave, then turned his gaze on Alex. Alex resisted the urge to squirm. The awkward silence stretched until Five took another long sip from his mug and said irritably, “Would you relax? I’m not going to kill you.”

If anything, Alex’s instincts went into overdrive. “What makes you say that?” he asked, trying and failing to achieve a casual tone.

“You’ve been jumpy ever since the dodgeball thing.” Five tapped his fingers on the mug’s handle and eyed Alex assessingly. “How much have you figured out?”

“Enough. You…” Alex hesitated. “You lied to me.” 

Five scoffed. “Well,  _ yeah _ , Alex, I did. I lied to everyone with my own damn name.” 

An awkward silence fell at Five’s blunt admission. Alex swallowed and reluctantly broke the ice. “The Umbrella Academy.” Five inclined his head and made a  _ go on _ gesture, and Alex cautiously obliged. “Your siblings were part of it.”

“ _ Are _ .” Five’s lips curled up into a tiny smile at Alex’s confusion. “Just because we don’t fight crime anymore doesn’t mean the Academy’s gone. Though Diego keeps insisting on calling us  _ Team Zero _ , which is frankly a ridiculous name.”

Alex didn’t miss how Five included himself in the Academy/Team Zero. “So you were… are… part of it?”

“Isn’t that what I said, Alex?”

“But you weren’t in any news reports or articles.”

Five sipped from his mug. “No, I don’t suppose I would be.” 

Alex waited, but Five didn’t elaborate. Fine. “There were only six members of the Academy, seven siblings. Five are still alive, two are dead.”

“Five siblings alive, two  _ gone _ ,” Five corrected.

“Semantics,” Alex snapped.

Five rolled his eyes. “So you haven’t read Vanya’s book.”

Alex scowled. “I read the synopsis. Stop dodging the question!”

“You haven’t asked one,” Five said, amusement in his eyes. The little bastard was  _ enjoying _ watching Alex struggle! Alex took a deep breath to fight down his irritation.

“Fine, then. Who are you?”

A moment of silence. Five leaned back, becoming serious. “Well, that’s a rather broad question, isn’t it?”

“You’re not in any articles,” Alex bit out. “You also have no Internet presence, no social media, which is practically impossible in the modern age. None of the Hargreeveses have any adopted children. And you —” Alex cut himself off before he could say  _ you have the reflexes of a spy and the skills of an assassin _ . 

Too late. Five seized on the slip. “You what? What else about me has confused you? Do go on.” Alex didn’t answer. Five sighed. “You have all the pieces, Alex. Put them together.” And with that he stood, slinging his backpack onto his shoulders and heading for the door.

Alex blinked, then jumped up. “You’re leaving?”

“Wouldn’t want to take the fun out of it,” Five tossed over his shoulder. “Come find me once you figure it out.” The door closed. Alex stood there dumbly for a moment, then he lunged for the handle, fully intent on making Five explain himself. But when he opened the door, there was no one there.

“So how’d it go?” Sabina asked from behind him.

Alex stared at the empty street. “I don’t know.”

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

“And then you just… left?”

“Yes, Ben, that’s what I said,” Five snarked, then slurped up a noodle.

Vanya picked at her own plate of spaghetti. “I think what Ben is  _ trying _ to say is it probably wasn’t nice to leave him hanging.”

“I was nice,” Five said obstinately. “I didn’t insult his intelligence.”

“Ahh, our little boy, growing up,” Klaus sighed, wiping an imaginary tear. “First he makes a friend, then he doesn’t insult his friend, next thing you’ll know he’ll be an actual, well-adjusted teenager!”

Ben chortled, and Five glared. “Don’t push it, you two.”

If Five left a copy of  _ Extra Ordinary _ in Alex’s locker the next day, well… he’d never tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! And my endless gratitude to everyone who has left kudos and kind comments -- each one brings a smile to my face and makes my day brighter :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	7. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One ex-assassin learns the truth about the other. (Well, part of the truth, anyway.)

_ Five _

_ (Wednesday) _

“I think he figured it out,” Five announced to Vanya’s kitchen when he arrived home from school.

“I still think you should have told him directly,” was her distracted reply. She came out of her bedroom fiddling self-consciously with the collar of her concert outfit. “How do I look?”

“Good,” Five replied immediately. (He knew nothing about fashion, but his little sister would always be beautiful in his eyes.)

Vanya nodded and took a shuddery breath. Oh, dear. Five hesitated. “Vanya? Are… are you… alright?”

She twisted her fingers together. “I’m just worried. What if I lose control?”

“You won’t,” Five said firmly. Vanya gave him a tearful look, and he plowed on. “You’ve improved your control over your powers significantly over the past month. And we’ll all be there for you.”

She smiled weakly and picked up her violin case. “Thanks, Five.”

Feeling rather uncomfortable with the emotional turn the conversation had taken, Five glanced awkwardly away. “Don’t thank me, it’s on a Friday. Family night and all that.”

Vanya chuckled. “You should be thanking me. I’m saving you from Luther’s cooking.”

“That too.”

“And Five… Go easy on Alex, will you? He’s probably very confused.”

Five sighed and nodded. Vanya smiled and shut the door.

~.~+~.~

_ Alex _

_ (Thursday) _

Alex approached their usual lunchtime spot,  _ Extra Ordinary _ tucked under his arm. Five glanced up when he sat down. “It’s about time.”

Alex glared at him. “How do you know I’m not just here to eat lunch?” Five looked pointedly at the book, and Alex huffed. “Fine, all right, I read it.”

“Well  _ yes _ , Alex, that’s why I gave it to you in the first place.”

“ _ You _ were the one who — ? Never mind.” Alex thumbed through the pages to chapter five. “So… Five isn’t a nickname after all.”

“Really? That’s the first thing you say?” 

“Being legally named ‘Number Five’ isn’t exactly normal,” Alex retorted, but then softened a little. “And more than a little concerning. Some of this… I can’t believe your dad wasn’t picked up for child abuse.”

“Money makes people turn blind eyes,” Five agreed wearily. Something about the way he said it made Alex think he was referring to more than just Reginald Hargreeves. 

“ _ Spatial jumps and time travel _ ,” Alex read out loud after a pregnant pause. “I suppose time travel is the reason you look fifteen years younger than your siblings?”

Five nodded, brushing a hand over his notebook. “I jumped from 2002 to 2019.”

“But —” Alex cut himself off. Five sat up, eyes narrowing. “But what?” he asked.

_ Danger _ , whispered a voice in the back of Alex’s mind. Five tilted his head, then a realization seemed to come over him and he visibly relaxed himself. Immediately Alex’s instincts eased. He must have blinked or hesitated too long, because Five smirked. “Ask. I can see you want to.”

“Why…” How to phrase this? “Why do you…”  _ Make my hackles rise instinctively? Put me on edge sometimes, just with your presence? _

_ Why do you remind me of myself? _

“Why do you act so much older?”

Five was quiet for several beats. “Because I am. My consciousness is not thirteen years old.” Alex stared at him incredulously, and the not-teenager grinned, all sharp edges. “Alex, what do you know about alternate timelines?”

~.~+~.~

_ Five _

At the twelfth hour on the first of October, 1989, 43 women around the world simultaneously gave birth despite not having been pregnant when the day started. Seven of those miracle children were adopted by Reginald Hargreeves. Six became known as the Umbrella Academy. In 2002, one of those six, the boy called Number Five, jumped forward in time to 2019. He expected to find a modern city.

He found a wasteland, the earth shattered by an apocalypse. Eventually — forty-five years later — Number Five managed to jump back to 2019. 

“Now imagine the original timeline —” Five drew a line on a fresh page in his notebook. “Time is infinitely more complex than this, but a simplified model will do for our purposes. If this point is 1989, this one 2002, and this one 2019, post-apocalypse, my jump can be drawn like so.” He connected the 2002 and 2019 dots. “When I jumped back, it was to March 2019. And in doing so —” He labelled a dot  _ March 2019 _ and drew a branch off of it. “Divergent timelines.”

Alex studied the time map. “Where did you jump from?”

“What?”

“You said you spent forty-five years in the apocalypse.” Alex pointed to the “original” line. “Shouldn’t you plot a point for 2064?”

_ Well, Alex _ , Five was tempted to say,  _ I didn’t plot 2064 because I didn’t jump from 2064. In fact, I jumped from Dallas in 1963, where I was preparing to shoot JFK. Oh, did I mention that I became an assassin for an extratemporal agency of hitmen? _

Right, because that would go over so well. Vanya told him to go easy on the kid, so Five decided to leave the hitman part of his story out for now. “It’s complicated,” he said instead. “Point is, I came back to March 2019. In the jump, I messed up the calculations, which resulted in… this.” He gestured to his teenaged body.

“So you stopped the apocalypse,” Alex said.

“... Yeah,” Five said after a too-long hesitation. Alex glanced at him curiously. “It’s still complicated.”

“We have time,” Alex argued.

Five sighed and relented. “My siblings and I, we didn’t…  _ really  _ stop the apocalypse. The world was ending when we jumped back in time together, only I didn’t have the opportunity to adjust my calculations for all seven of us. I scattered us through time in Dallas, in the 1960s.”

Alex cautiously reached out and, when Five made no move to stop him, took the pencil, plotting and labeling a dot as  _ Dallas 1960s _ . “And you created another timeline, then?” 

Five nodded and took the pencil back. “Long story short, we averted a nuclear apocalypse in 1963 and we were able to jump branches back here — ” He pointed to the first timeline. “To just before the apocalypse, which we then avoided —” He drew another branch. “Which brings us to now.”

Alex studied the time map. “What happened to all these other branches?”

“Technically, they still exist. But they’re like alternate universes. They have no effect on anyone in this timeline.”

“Except you,” Alex pointed out. “You could travel across timelines, couldn’t you?”

Could he? He’d never actually tried, since they’d used a Commission briefcase and not his powers to jump timelines from 1963 to 2019. Five resisted the urge to sneer. The answer was yes, yes he could, if not now then eventually. There was  _ nothing _ the Commission could do regarding time travel that Five wasn’t determined to understand and do  _ better. _ Besides, he’d been working on a way to open a portal back to the first timeline so Klaus could summon his boyfriend’s ghost. It wasn’t unreasonable to think that Five himself could then travel through that portal if he so desired.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” he said instead. “You’re not a complete idiot.”

“... Thanks?” Alex still looked like he was hung up on something. Not very noticeably, mind you — the kid was remarkably good at putting on a casual façade, which Five could recognize only because he himself did the same all the time. 

The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period. Five tore the page out of his notebook and held it out to Alex, hesitating briefly before saying, “Look, I know this is all hard to take in. I can see you still have questions.”  _ Aargh, why was being nice so difficult!? _ “You… you’re a good kid, Alex. Ask whenever you’re ready. I… I’d rather not end our… friendship… over this. Um.” 

Alex had the grace not to comment on Five’s obvious discomfort. He nodded and took the paper. Five dawdled another few moments before telling himself to stop being such a child and just  _ say _ — “My sister Vanya said if you weren’t scared away by our family, you should come with us to her concert tomorrow.”

“Vanya, she’s the violinist, right?” Alex’s expression brightened a bit. “Yeah — I mean, I need to ask —”

“Sabina can come,” said Five. “Vanya wants to meet her.”

A smile spread slowly over Alex’s face. “Then — yeah. That would be… nice? That would be nice.”

They parted ways at the doors, and as Five wove through the crowds of students, he reassured himself that at least he was not alone in being emotionally challenged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For that last moment, just imagine the scene in TUA season 1 between Five and Luther when they're waiting for Hazel and Cha-Cha, and Five's very awkwardly trying to be considerate and calls Luther a "young man" :D
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has kudos-ed, subscribed, and/or left a comment! You all make me smile. Also, here's a thought question for you all: if Diego can control the trajectory of objects, that implies he can control momentum. In quantum mechanics, it's known that photons (light) have momentum. Does that mean that Diego (if he were to put in the effort to learn physics and chemistry) could bend light e.g. could he bend a laser beam in a game of laser tag?


End file.
